digivice:

"We’ve been together for a very long time. Just the two of us."

'til death do they part ❤ goodnight, nine and twelve.

tags: anime + zankyou no terror + gif + i liked this one +

ravenclawssaywhat:

this-is-horrorwood:

hey-how-ya-doing:

oomshi:

do i have a crush on you or am i just lonely

do i like you or do i like that you like me

do I like you or do I like the idea of you

do i want to be in a relationship or do i just want to prove that i’m worthy of one

tags: urgh + the struggle is real + relationship + gah +

pandaaamonium14:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

tags: story of the day + hahaha + HAHAHAHAHAHAHA + life + stupidity amuses me +

23-hour-party-people:

(Source: mutisija)

tags: homestuck + anime + gif + art +

aconnormanning:

maneth985:

fallen-angel-with-a-shotgun:

dajo42:

if you dont have me on facebook you are probably not missing out on any posts but the comment section is important too lmao

I went to the Renaissance faire dressed as a warrior.  I had a real sword with me, too.  I was standing (in character) next to a sword-fighting ring, where kids of all ages got the chance to pick up a sword and challenge the champion.  Some woman walks by, with her little girl.  The girl starts walking towards the ring, saying she wants to fight.  But the mom pulled her away hella sharply, and was like, “That’s for boys.”  You don’t want to be a BOY, do you?”    And the girl looked around and saw me.  I think she thought I was a boy; I had my hair in a ponytail, and was wearing a hood.  So she comes up to me and asks me, “Do you think girls can be fighters, too?”  And her mom looks like she’s silently gloating.  Like she thinks I’m going to say no.  So I take off my hood, untie my hair so that it flows freely, and kneel before her.  And I’m like, “Milady, anyone can be a fighter.”  I swear, the look on that mother’s face made my day.

This post was good but then it got better

tags: boys and girls + LOTR + beat down the patriarchy +

egberts:

snacklemore:

egberts:

my life in one picture

image

there is no picture

i have no life

tags: text + tumblr + no life + haha +

ectolime:

beccadrawsstuff:

moewave:

But what does Tuxedo Mask want with Kaneki!?

image

image

"On behalf of the Ghoul, I’ll eat you."image

Hit new series from the magical ghoul genre, Sailor Ghoul! Will Tuxedo Trash ever get a taste of his beloved Ghoul Princess? Tune in next week to find out!

tags: art + manga + Tokyo Ghoul + comic + story + haha +

sassy-spoon:

clpdee:

clpdee:

clpdee:

just watched concrete try and fail to fit into this napkin holder for the past five minutes, now he’s just been standing with his front paws in it looking mad and tired

image

image

are you kidding

you named your fucking cat concrete

tags: cat + cats + picture + haha + story +

worriedaboutblank:

rulani:

elasticitymudflap:

elasticitymudflap:

For me liking anime was an ugly metamorphosis into a sad fart that denies she existed from ages 10-14… and maybe 151/2

welp

whispers desperately to myself “I am an adult”

And the cycle begins anew.

tags: me + so it's called a weeb + huh? + comic + art + haha + anime + manga + relatable +

(Source: itsstuckyinmyhead)

tags: story of the day + haha + siblings + family +

novelteathought:

strivingking:

When you’re feeling down and out, REAL friends be like

image

okay but the guy in blue gets up and hold onto the back of the red guys shirt like a small child or perhaps a duckling

tags: sports + like wtf is it + gif + haha +

unmutekurloz:

pyralsnout:

itsstuckyinmyhead:

Pluto Tumblr Posts photoset

(You’re welcome)

OHANA MEANS FAMILY
VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU

PLUTO IS CRYING

tags: pluto + world +

nateswinehart:

Being good to each other is so important, guys.

tags: comic + art + people skills +

itsstuckyinmyhead:

Cats and Tumblr

tags: cats + cat + tumblr + post + text + picture + gif +

yall-mothafuckas-need-misha:

ladymacbetterthanyou:

djuvre:

spoopy-banana:

memewhore:

banans13:

kissthesecurves:

starvingfartist:

I don’t usually comment on posts but FUN RANDOM DISNEY FACT : before Scar got his Scar (which was given to him by a wildebeest after an incident involving Mufasa) his name was Taka. He requested to be called Scar after this incident because he is a very over-dramatic lion as we already know! The source for this fact is from the Lion King novel series. 

Damn you learn something everyday.

EXCUSE ME THERE IS A LION KING NOVEL SERIES EXCUSE ME EXCUSE MEEEE

Another fun fact: I just looked it up and in Swahili, taka means garbage.

So their parents named them literally “King” and “Garbage” omfg that’s so awful xD

that’s so MEAN NO WONDER GARBAGE WANTED TO KILL HIS FAMILY

it’s like loki and thor all over again

tags: Fandom + Disney + the more you know + Avengers +